March 8, 2009

The Final Hours

We are down to the last few hours before we hopefully see our baby girl face to face. We have anticipated this moment for so long. While we are nervous to be walking into an unknown experience, we are so excited that her birth day has finally arrived. As the big day approaches so much runs through your mind...What will she look like or who will she look like? What kind of personality will she have? Will she sleep well? Will she cry a lot? What if she gets sick? But the question I ask myself the most is how will she see Jesus? Somehow pregnancy makes you acutely aware that your not perfect, that you do screw up (quite often), and you have a long way to go to be the person God created you to be. Unknowingly our Sunday school lesson was written just for me...or at least that is how God made it feel. We talked about preparing yourself by seeking God's direction through prayer, acting on his directions, and living in obedience with His will. If I had to describe what God has been teaching me in the last year, that would be it in a nut shell. The last two weeks those lessons have really come to full circle. In the last year, I have spent countless hours praying for two different situations. In both situations, God asked me to submit my words and actions to Him. Any one who has known me very long knows that I often forget to "think before I speak" so let me tell you this has not been a easy lesson. But never the less it was high time I took a big girl pill and learned that it is not all about me. I was obedient i both situations with very different outcomes. Through this process I have come to the realization that despite my obedience God is not going to grant my every wish...but I don't really care! Yep that's right. I have spent the better part of my life wanting to be in control which really has gotten me no where. However, when I step back and expect God to work in ways I could never imagine He does and it is always so much better than I could ever dreamed. In the end, I find myself at a place in life I have always wanted to be but didn't know how to get to...a place where I wake up every day thirsty to give all of my life over to God...my words, my actions...so that I can live in complete obedience to Him. As I reflected on these things on the way home today, I thought what an amazing God we worship. He started this lesson several years ago. There is no doubt in my mind that this lesson was a provision for what tomorrow brings. God has brought me to a place where I truly trust Him to guide each step I take. As we take a big step into parenthood tomorrow I would not want to be any other place than in God's arms. There are a hundred and one things that run through your mind before you become a parent which I am sure will become a thousand and one after...but knowing that whatever happens God already has it covered takes a load of worry off my mind. I can sit back ad enjoy each moment as it comes. As a parent, I am still not going to be perfect. I am still going to screw up. I am still going to be a work in progress. Hopefully what are daughter will see when she looks at us are two people who love God and try our best every day to live in obedience to Him out of Love because it is such a sweeter place to be then tangled in our own mess.

1 comment:

vwiller said...

HAving very different yet shared experiences today. By the end of this day we will both have our baby girls, mine should hopefully even have a name. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I can not wait to see pictures!